


A Real Dick Move 2: Pornstache Boogaloo

by meleedamage



Series: Adventures in Natasha Romanoff's Closet [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Darcy Lewis, Bathroom Sex, Bicycle Horn, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Closet Sex, Crack, Cunnilingus, Darcy Lewis's Taser, Established Relationship, F/M, Facial Hair Kink, Feline Voyeurism, Mistaken Identity, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Pornstache Bucky, Ridiculous Euphemisms for Genitalia, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Shameless Smut, Surveillance Van Sex, ridiculous adjectives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-14 06:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meleedamage/pseuds/meleedamage
Summary: I attempt to cover all of the prompts in the Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge in this sequel to A Real Dick Move.As soon as they finally manage to get their shit together, Bucky's sent away on a super secret undercover operation and forced to assume a new identity. Now he's back with a Pornstache and offering Darcy the chance to try her hand at field work. After weeks apart, can they really be expected to keep their hands off each other until their mission is accomplished? Not if I'm writing it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little something new. Hope you like it. xo

Darcy slid her key into the lock at the front of Natasha's door and slowly turned her wrist. This was the part of her day when she missed him the most. Bucky had been gone for weeks, so deep undercover that she'd only managed to speak with him a handful of times. She missed everything about him. 

It was almost cruel the way they'd been separated so quickly after they'd finally managed to get their shit together. She thought about him all the time - his crooked smile, the feeling of his hands all over her, the way he smelled after he came back from his morning workout, the sound of her name on his lips when he came apart. It was so fucking unfair.

Ivan sat waiting for her inside the apartment as she stepped across the threshold. She was late and he was not amused.

"Sorry, buddy. You know, this isn't easy for me," she sighed wearily, glancing towards the infamous closet where she'd first kissed Bucky for seven life-changing minutes.

Ivan turned and strutted towards his empty food dish without the slightest shred of sympathy. She followed him, picking up his dishes and setting them on the counter by the sink. He jumped up beside them, pacing across the countertop impatiently as she turned on the faucet, letting the cold water run and retrieved his food from the top of the fridge. If Natasha was gone much longer, she'd have to buy more and judging from the Russian writing on the bag, Meow Mix just wasn't gonna cut it. Ivan batted at his water dish and knocked it into the sink. It landed upside down with a clatter that startled her as she poured kibble into his bowl and he jumped down, chasing after a few loose morsels that fell to the floor.

"Oh, you rotten motherfucker!" Darcy growled as the water running from the faucet ricocheted off the corner of the dish, hitting her with an icy cold blast. She grabbed it, giving it a quick rinse and filled it, muttering curses under her breath. He strutted over, affectionately rubbing up against her legs as she returned his dishes to the floor and it was impossible to resist his charms. He was a terribly handsome little tyrant and worst of all, he knew it. She rolled her eyes, reminded of another rotten bastard she knew. 

Ivan crunched away on his kibble as she returned to the sink, washing and drying her hands. 

"Just as wet as I left you," Bucky breathed into her ear, pressing her against the counter and pawing at her roughly. "Boy, you must've really missed me, sweetheart."

"It's from the faucet-," she argued as his metal hand covered her mouth, keeping her face turned away. 

"A likely story," he countered, nipping at the shell of her ear. "I can hardly wait to see whether it checks out." She let out an unsteady breath as he marched her across the floor to the closet and stopped in front of the door.

"Not so fast," he whispered as she reached for the door handle. "There's something I need to tell you first..."

Darcy grabbed the knob and pulled the door open defiantly. After weeks apart from Bucky, she couldn't muster the patience to deal with his incessant teasing. Whatever he needed to tell her, it could wait.

Her shameless enthusiasm instantly vaporized his resolve as he guided her into the closet and pulled the door closed behind him, plunging them into complete darkness. She reached for the pull-cord to turn on the overhead light and it slipped through her fingers as Bucky yanked her down to the floor and into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He hummed softly as the warmth of his solid body surrounded her and she relaxed into him with a sigh.

"My mission isn't over yet," he said softly. "I'm still undercover. God, I missed you so much, doll..." Darcy choked down the lump forming in her throat, surging with a rush of emotion. He'd jeopardized his mission just to see her?! It was so ridiculously romantic.

"Bucky, you can't risk your mission like this," she sighed, forcing herself to do the right thing.

"Aww... That's adorable," Bucky chuckled, squeezing her tighter. "Relax. I've got it covered, sweetheart. I'm surveilling a target this afternoon and thought you might like to tag along."

"For real?!" Darcy asked excitedly. The thought of kicking ass and taking names with Bucky was completely irresistible.

"Yeah," he replied with a smile she could hear colouring the edge of his words. "It'd give you the chance to see if you're suited for fieldwork and I'd probably be less conspicuous if I looked like I was out on a date."

"Wow!" she marvelled, legitimately impressed. "You really thought this through, didn't you?"

"It gets awful lonely in the surveillance van," he replied quietly. It actually broke her heart just a little as he nestled his face into her shoulder and breathed her in deeply.

"Alright. I'm in," she said brightly. "I can hardly wait to pick out my disguise-"

"What you've got on's just fine," Bucky interrupted, reaching around her and unbuttoning her jeans. "We don't have much time and I'm dying to get you off before we leave, doll." 

"What about you?" Darcy gasped as his hand slid down the front of her panties and his fingers slipped between her dewy petals. 

"I told you what I want," he breathed in her ear. She arched her back against him with a needy whine as he rubbed her clit in slow circles. 

"I want to make you feel so good," he continued in a hot whisper. "I want you to take off your pants and ride my face until you're screamin' my name... until I'm drowning in you, sweetheart."

"Jesus Christ," she gasped, hooking her thumbs into her waistband and attempting to squirm out of her pants as his fingers firmly pressed against her love button. Bucky slid onto his back and bent his knees, kissing every bare inch of her skin he could reach as she worked her jeans off in a frenzy. She tossed them aside, eliciting a low growl and a hiss. 

"Goddamn it," Bucky grumbled. "How the fuck did that miserable cat end up in here with us?"

"I don't know and I don't care," she replied, turning around and settling her knees above his shoulders. "Maybe you should try focusing on one pussy at a time..." 

His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her down against his face and she pressed her palms against the wall, steadying herself in the darkness as he lit into her ravenously. She rocked her hips, moaning incomprehensibly as his tongue danced across her slick skin and he gently suckled, winding her up in delicious torment. His hands tightened around her and his thumbs brushed her skin in slow circles as the taste of her filled his mouth, making his eyes roll back in his head. She cried out for more, writhing above him as she coated his face in her slickness. His lips curled into a filthy grin that grew wider, the wilder she got and his turgid manhood twitched in his pants as he flooded with a volcanic rush of arousal. 

Darcy startled as something soft and furry brushed up against the outside of her calf. Ivan paced back and forth beside her, purring loudly as he affectionately rubbed her leg. 

"Get out of here, you little pervert!" she groused, shooing him away with a wave of her hand. Bucky huffed out a muffled laugh beneath her as Ivan loudly meowed and continued to brush against her bare skin. She tried to ignore him, concentrating on the sound of her heartbeat in her ears as Bucky sucked harder but it was no use. 

"Go on! Get lost!" she ground out, pushing Ivan aside. He scampered away, growling and hissing and she took in a breath and let it out slowly, attempting to refocus as Bucky's strong hands squeezed her possessively. She reached out, covering the smooth metal hand on her right hip and he let out a rich rumble that made her toes curl as he redoubled his efforts. 

Ivan glanced towards them as he strolled over to one of the coats hanging from the rail and used his claws to climb up to a perch on an overhead shelf.

Bucky lost himself in the taste of her slick quivering excitement and the sounds of her breathy cries of his name, gripped by the need to make her his again after so many weeks apart. Being back with her in the place where it all started made him so happy that he thought he might burst and the throbbing deep inside of him left no doubt that he could easily finish based solely on her response to the filthy things he was doing to her. 

As much as he regretted passing up the opportunity to quickly fuck her up against the closet wall, he knew that holding off until he could take his time to claim her properly would be more than worth the wait. Besides, she still hadn't seen his undercover getup and he wasn't entirely sure how she was going to react. 

His tongue flattened in a solid press, driving her all the way to the edge and he hummed obscenely as she threw her head back, calling out his name. Through witchcraft or sorcery or possibly some top secret part of his training as a deadly assassin, he kept her hovering right at the verge of completion. It was too much and not enough and she felt like she could hardly breathe as he pleasured her insatiably. 

"Oh, Bucky! Oh, fuck, please!" she called out desperately, unsure whether she was asking him to keep going or if she was begging him to finish her off. Her nails raked over the edges of the plates in his bionic arm as she dangled by a thread, aching delightfully as the tension inside of her continued to build ever higher. 

A single feather slowly drifted down from above, settling on Darcy's face and the sound of ominous rustling came from the overhead shelf. Her brows knit as she let out a puff of breath, blowing the feather back into the air and Ivan began to push the boxes off the edge of his perch, sending an avalanche of shoes, purses and other designer accessories tumbling down around them. Darcy's arms instinctively covered her head and she ground out a litany of curses as Ivan continued to clear the shelf with impunity.

Bucky let out a groan as an espadrille with a thick wedge heel caught him right in family jewels and the sensation of his breath was just enough to tip Darcy over the edge. His groaning melted into an appreciative hum as she came in a hot rush all over his pretty face. His strong hands held her anchored against him as her body pulsed with waves of blissful release and showers of stars glittered behind her lids. She moaned obscenities, laughing softly as she rode her orgasm out against Bucky's tongue and a hodgepodge of items continued to rain down from above. Ivan answered with a loud meow, shredding a sequinned cocktail dress between his sharp claws as he slid back down to the ground.

Darcy rose to her feet unsteadily, reaching for the pull cord for the overhead light as Ivan tore around the closet like a maniac, howling demands for her to let him out. The closet flooded with the familiar crimson glow of the bulb hanging from the ceiling and she quickly opened the door, watching with a groan as Ivan scampered away, carrying her panties in his mouth. 

She turned towards the sound of Bucky's laughter with a scowl, freezing in stunned disbelief at the sight of him. His hair was slicked down and tied back in a style she'd never seen him wear before. He looked drawn and the dark circles under his eyes suggested that he hadn't had a good night's sleep in days. Last but not least was the thick, glistening thatch of hair above his upper lip. Bucky had just given Darcy her very first Pornstache ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it. If you did, I'd love to hear about it! xo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more Pornstachey goodness. Hope you like it!! xo

This was Clint's work. It just had to be. She'd never been so sure of anything in her life. Somehow, he'd hacked into the system or convinced someone in the back office to mess with Bucky's assigned identity. She could trace it all back to that rainy afternoon when she'd mistakenly thought she had the tower to herself and Clint had accidentally stumbled in on her, watching a Magnum PI marathon in the lounge, knuckle-deep in her honeypot. He'd agreed to keep a lid on what he'd seen after she'd threatened to tase him within an inch of his life but clearly he hadn't forgotten.

Bucky glanced at her from the side of his eye as she shifted uncomfortably in the front passenger seat of the surveillance van. She pulled up her rainbow striped leg warmers and adjusted the hem of the godawful geometric print minidress she'd insisted on wearing to match his 'aesthetic'. He took another sip of the extra large latte she'd brought back for him from the coffee shop around the corner and wondered how they managed to stay afloat the way they screwed up orders and ran out of lids. His tongue darted out and he sighed dreamily at the lingering taste of her on his lips. She still hadn't said a word about his moustache and she couldn't seem to stop staring at it either. It really stung that she couldn't at least pretend to like it a little and he couldn't help feeling self-conscious...

Darcy spotted the pink flash of his tongue as it darted out across his lips, chasing the foamy deliciousness that clung to his moustache. It swept the edge of his whiskers and she thought back to the sensation of it pressed against her as she'd ridden his face in Natasha's closet, squirming as the hot throbbing between her legs pulsed slicker. 

She'd always had a thing for facial hair and considering how ridiculously hot he'd been to begin with, his moustache was giving her a wicked case of ants in the pants. During the hour they'd spent in the surveillance van, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about dragging him into the back and having her filthy way way with him. Given that it was her first foray into the field, it hardly seemed professional to put the moves on him and she wanted to prove that she was up to the challenge even if the work seemed a whole lot less exciting than she'd imagined it would be. 

It'd gotten so bad that she'd made a coffee run just so she could touch herself in the bathroom, imagining the brush of his whiskers against the shell of her ear as he whispered hot demands for her to come. It'd hardly been her finest moment but the fact that Bucky had her behaving like a total degenerate only seemed to make things hotter for her. Luckily, no one seemed to notice the spring in her step and the flush in her cheeks when she'd emerged from the bathroom a short time later and joined the end of the line. Her 'Extra large latte, no lid' idea had drawn an odd look from the barista but it was nothing short of an absolute stroke of genius and genius is so often misunderstood.

He'd bought her story about their order getting mixed up without much convincing. Still, as she sat surreptitiously watching him sip from the cup, he seemed awfully salty about something. Before long the hot throbbing between her legs returned with renewed vigour and his sullen silence only made her situation a thousand times worse.

He suddenly perked up, as a familiar figure appeared outside of the strip club they were watching and entered through the front door, carrying a silver briefcase that looked awfully suspicious.

"That's our target," Bucky said, turning towards Darcy excitedly. He caught her staring at him in a daze and loudly cleared his throat, drawing her attention. 

"Sorry," she sputtered, meeting his steely gaze and flushing with arousal as he let out an irritated sigh. _Why did it have to be so unbelievably hot?!_

"Shouldn't we go in after him?" she asked, trying to get things back on the rails.

"Nope," he replied, leaning back in his seat.

"Then what the hell are we doing here?!" she asked with a frown.

"Surveillance," he tersely responded. 

"We can't even see him from here," she huffed, folding her arms across her chest as he rolled his eyes. "You know, I'd appreciate just a little more of your patience. In case you've forgotten, this is all new to me..." There was no arguing with her. She was absolutely right and Bucky couldn't help feeling like a bag of dicks.

"I'm sorry," he sighed as his expression softened. "This is probably why they don't let me anywhere near trainees anymore..." The corners of her lips twitched and it made Bucky's stomach flip. "Our sources tell us he's a regular here. What we're interested in is where he goes afterwards. We need to wait here until he comes out and then we're gonna tail him. Might be a while though..."

"And in the meantime?" she asked with a flick of her brow. He stood up and slipped through the curtain draped behind their seats, disappearing into the back of the van. She forced herself to stay seated just long enough to leave him wondering whether she was going to join him and slowly rose to her feet, stepping between the seats with a saucy grin.

He was all over her the moment she stepped through the curtain, kissing her breathless as his strong arms surrounded her. Her eyes fluttered shut as she detected the faintest trace of herself on his lips. Combined with the rasp of his whiskers against her skin, she thought she'd lose her goddamned mind. 

She parted her lips, inviting his tongue into her mouth with a tantalizing flicker of her own and a soft needy sound escaped the back of his throat as he met her in a velvety swirl. He took an uncharacteristically clumsy step backwards, colliding with something solid and Darcy's eyes snapped open in response to the distinctive sound of a bicycle horn. 

Bucky broke away, laughing at the look of bewilderment on her face as her eyes darted around the van. They were completely surrounded by stacks of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous junk, like the leftovers from a decade of unsuccessful garage sales. The van was packed all the way to rafters and so full that it hardly left any breathing room at all. It just was like something from an episode of Storage Wars or possibly even Hoarders. 

"This," she said with a twirl of her finger, "isn't funny. I think you might have a serious problem, Sarge." 

"You'll have to be more specific," he teased, pulling her closer. "I've got all kinds of serious problems, doll."

"I'm talking about the junk in your trunk," she responded dryly.

"Oh, the used sporting equipment?" he grinned. "It's a donation for the Boys and Girls Club courtesy of one Steve Rogers. I just haven't had the chance to drop it off for him yet."

"Wow," she sighed, legitimately swooning as she palmed the bulge in the front of his pants. "You really are the total package." He gasped out soft curses and pressed himself into her hand, keeping an eye trained on the feed of the strip club's exterior, playing on a monitor on the opposite side of the van. "Is this one of those serious problems you warned me about?" Bucky responded by reaching for a nearby set of handle bars and ringing the bell.

She grabbed his belt, unbuckling it forcefully and he bumped the stack of boxes behind him, forcing out a long, slow honk of the bicycle horn. He glanced down at her, huffing out a laugh that made her weak in the knees as her hands worked his pants loose with increasing impatience. His eyes returned to the security feed as she carefully slid down the front of his body and settled on her knees in front of him. 

She hooked her fingers into his belt loops, slowly lowering his pants as her heels pressed against the box at the bottom of the stack behind her, attempting to make more room. The boxes remained solidly in place as she gazed up at Bucky's face and wrapped her hand around the base of his beef bayonet, guiding it to her plush lips. 

"At first, field work seemed kind of boring," she mused, flickering her tongue over the glistening end of his giggle stick, "but I'm starting to see the appeal."

"Still dunno what I ever did to deserve you," he murmured, smiling down at her as he gathered a fistful of her chestnut curls in his bionic hand. She continued to tease him with a sultry wink, running her tongue along the solid length of his throbbing trouser torpedo until he was raw around the edges and struggling to keep an eye on the security feed. He briefly considered telling her to stop but it felt too goddamned good.

"You're awful pretty for such a filthy tease," he said, wetting his lips. "Bet you'd be even prettier with it in your mouth."

"Is that what you want?" she asked, giving him several smooth pumps of her fist. "Might make it hard for you to keep watching that monitor."

"You're right," he ground out as his fingers tightened in her hair, "but something tells me that's only going to make things hotter."

She spat into her palm and reached for the sweet spot behind his plums, peering up at him through her lashes as her lips parted, inviting him in. He took full advantage, tugging on her hair as he drove himself into the soft heat of her mouth and moaning as she kept her jaw loose enough to make things sinfully sloppy. Her slick fingers drew firm circles against his skin and he ground his teeth as the pressure building deep inside of him threatened to spill over. He should've slowed down but it felt so goddamned good that he didn't want to stop. 

Darcy slipped her free hand between her legs, staring up at Bucky as his eyes remained glued to the screen and the van filled with the coarse wet sound of him fucking her face. He'd spent so many sleepless nights dreaming about being with her like this that he wanted to make the moment last but it was hard enough just keeping an eye on the video feed. The taste of his excitement hit the back of her tongue and she fought the urge to gag as he drove himself deeper, chasing his release. 

She let out a muffled moan as her fingers pressed harder and he glanced down at her with a flash of panic in his eyes as her lips tightened around him and she began to suck. Watching her on her knees, surrounded by the stacks of used sporting equipment as he thrust himself between her lips was almost more than he could manage and the heated look in her eye told him that she was enjoying herself just as much as he was. He needed to check the monitor but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from her face as it occurred to him that she liked what was happening so much that she was touching herself while she sucked him off. 

"Oh, fuck. It feels so good," he gasped, forcing himself to look up at the screen. Three unsavoury-looking figures approached the door to the strip club and they were brandishing some pretty impressive hardware.

"Something's happening outside," he ground out. "I can't... Oh, fuck, Darcy. I can't stop..."

She leaned into him, taking him as deeply as she could as his fingers twisted in her hair and all at once the long absence, the solid press of her hand and the inappropriate timing of what was happening combined and he came explosively. He gasped out incredulous curses, accompanying the bicycle horn that sounded from behind him after each erratic thrust as he unloaded inside of her mouth in a series of warm spurts. She swallowed him down, humming softly as the sound of gunfire from inside the club pushed her over the edge and she came quivering against her slick fingers. Her body coursed with an intoxicating mixture of euphoria and adrenaline that left her shaking and unsteady.

"Oh, shit! We've gotta go," Bucky exclaimed as he watched their target burst through the front door of the club with his briefcase in hand. Darcy watched in a daze as Bucky manoeuvred around her, rushing towards the driver's seat in a blur, carefully pulling up and buttoning his pants.

"Hey! Don't I even get a thank you?!" she called out, slowly rising to her feet.

"I'll make it up to you later," Bucky replied, starting the ignition and stepping on the gas. "Now get your ass up here and strap in, doll. It's gonna be a bumpy ride."

The van took a sudden sharp left, sending her flying and she landed against the stack of boxes on the right with a clatter.

"You alright back there, sweetheart?" he called back over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine-" she responded, stumbling towards the front seat and suddenly careening into the crates on the left as Bucky swerved to avoid something in the road.

"Sorry!" he called out, wincing in response to the sound the collision behind him. 

"It's okay. I'm alright," she said, reassuring herself as she took another unsteady step towards the front of the van. She scowled as the heel snapped off the bottom of her left shoe and Bucky suddenly slammed on the brakes, sending her tumbling through the curtain. 

"Goddamn it," she groaned, opting to stay where she landed - on her ass with her back pressed against Bucky's seat. He hit the gas and she looked down at her broken shoe with a frown. They were an impractical choice but they'd looked so cute with her dress that she'd decided to roll the dice. As she sat wondering what to do, the van came to another sudden stop and a pair of roller skates glided across the floor towards her, landing at her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, I'd love to hear what you thought. xo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more. Hope you like it! xo

Bucky killed the engine and she pulled off her shoes, picking up the roller skates as she hauled herself up and into her seat.

"Are you okay?" he asked, searching her eyes as his hand settled at the side of her face and he stroked her cheek tenderly. 

"Yeah," she replied softly. "My shoes didn't survive but that just means that I get to wear these." Bucky looked at the roller skates in her hand and swallowed thickly. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea, doll?" he asked, trying his best to keep a straight face, picturing her struggling to stay on her feet as she rolled out of control. 

"I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation here," she responded crisply as he took a sip of his stone cold latte and watched their target enter an adult movie theatre further down the street.

"Alright. Here's the plan-," he said turning towards her with a moustache full of foam. She dropped the skates and climbed into his lap, silencing him with the press of her lips and kissed him senseless. His strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as he detected the faintest trace of himself on her tongue and kissed her back twice as hard. She hummed blissfully as he explored her mouth in a delightful whirl and his metal hand moved to her thigh, inching its way under the hem of her skirt. 

"Don't we need to follow the briefcase guy inside?" she gasped, breaking away as his hungry lips moved to the side of her neck and his teeth rasped against her skin.

"Nope," he replied between slow kisses. "I need to follow him. You need to stay here."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" she exclaimed, pushing him away angrily. "What a rip-off!!"

"I'm sorry but we're in uncharted waters here," he replied with a sigh as she stiffly returned to her own seat. "I don't know what's waiting inside and I can't put you at risk like that. Besides, you don't even have on any shoes."

Darcy muttered under her breath as she pulled the roller skates on, lacing them in a fury.

"You can't go in with roller skates on," he continued. "You'll stick out like a sore thumb."

"It's a porno theatre," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Isn't there some unwritten rule against eye-balling the other patrons. I doubt that anyone here is hoping to be recognized."

"It's still too risky," he responded firmly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself." 

"Whatever," she grumbled, realizing there was no point arguing with him.

"I'll be back as fast as I can," he sighed, loading and cocking his pistol and returning it to the holster inside his jacket. "Keep your eyes open for anything unusual and text me if something comes up." She turned towards him and stuck out her tongue as he exited the van, shaking his head with a chuckle.

Darcy took a sip of Bucky's latte, watching enviously as he disappeared into the theatre. The street outside the van was awfully sketchy but mostly abandoned with the exception of a lone vagrant dozing on top of a grate opposite the cinema. She dug her phone out of her purse, trying to distract herself from thoughts of what she might be missing inside the theatre. As the minutes ticked by, the silence became deafening and she began to understand exactly what Bucky had meant when he'd mentioned how lonely it could get inside the surveillance van. 

She glanced down at her roller skates and tapped her feet together, lamenting the fact that she had to wait to try them out. It had been a while since she'd been skating but she imagined that it was like just riding a bicycle and it would all come back to her once she got on her feet. She carefully stood up, ducking her head as she rolled back through the curtain in search of some pads and a helmet. 

Bucky slipped into a seat in the back row of the darkened theatre, scanning the room in search of his target as a buxom brunette in roller skates took a pounding on-screen and cried out breathily for more. The seats were mostly empty and he quickly spotted the man with the metal briefcase six rows down on the right side. He sat watching and tried to focus on the task at hand but the obscene sounds from the movie were impossible to ignore and before long he was hard as granite and throbbing inside his pants. Thoughts of Darcy consumed him as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and he wondered what she was up to back in the van. 

A large man in a leather jacket walked down the aisle and slipped into the seat next to Bucky's target. Hopefully, this was the break he'd been waiting for and the stranger was the illegal arms dealer he'd been attempting to apprehend. The men whispered to each other but they were too far away for Bucky to hear what was said. The muscles in his jaw tightened as he looked on, unwilling to let the opportunity to complete his mission slip through his fingers.

Darcy pulled on her helmet, tightening the strap under her chin as she carefully stepped out of the van. Not only had she managed to find a helmet and a full set of padding in the back of the van, she'd even found a red sequinned Superman cape. During the course of her search, she'd also managed to finish off the remnants of Bucky's latte as well as her own and suddenly she really needed to use the bathroom. She skated towards the entrance to the theatre hesitantly and hoped she could make it to the washroom and back to the van without Bucky spotting her. The greasy-looking sad sack of a man at the box office brightened as she glided towards him.

"Hi," she greeted with a wide smile. "I just need to use your washroom. I'm guessing it's for customers only. How much do I owe you?" 

"No, no, no," he protested dramatically as she dug her wallet out of her purse. "Put it away. Your money's no good here! I am a huge fan of your work. Imagine, Tonya Hard-on in our theatre!!"

"Guilty as charged," Darcy shrugged, playing along. Obviously, he had her confused with some roller-skating porn star.

"I've seen all of your films 'Roller-ella,' 'All-Wheel Drive,' 'A Roll in the Hay,' and of course, my very favourite, 'One in the Rink, Two in the Stink.' You're a legend," he gushed. "Please make yourself at home and if there's anything you need, anything at all, just let me know."

"Thanks," she replied with a wink. "The washroom?" 

"Down the hall to your left," he grinned, flushing deeply.

She turned away from the counter, skating down the hallway and into the bathroom without a moment to lose.

Bucky slouched down in his seat as the man he'd followed into the theatre stood up and stuffed a thick envelope into his back pocket. He strode down the aisle, eyeing Bucky as he walked by and exited the theatre without his briefcase. Bucky waited a moment and moved towards his new target, silently slipping into the empty seat to the right of the silver briefcase as its owner stared up at the screen. The moment Bucky saw the man's face, his lips curled up into a wicked grin. After hours of poring over the case file, he'd recognize him anywhere. It was a perfect match. 

The man's hand moved for the handle of the bag and his eyes met Bucky's as a metal hand settled over the back of his own and a handcuff clicked into place around his wrist. The target went for the gun tucked into the back of his waistband and Bucky punched him in the face, effortlessly grabbing hold of his loose hand and cuffing it behind his back. 

Darcy washed her hands and looked herself over in the mirror, taking care to thoroughly dry her hands and turn the faucet off with a paper towel. The wheels of her skates glided across the tiles and she went right out the door and into the hallway, nearly colliding with the man Bucky had followed into the theatre. He grabbed her arms and forced her back into the washroom, slamming her into the wall with a growl.

"You've been following me," he hissed, inches from her face. "You and that friend of yours... Why?!"

"I-I don't want any trouble," Darcy stammered. "H-Here, take my wallet and let's pretend this never happened." She reached into her purse and wrapped her hand around her taser. 

"I don't want your wallet," he snapped, pointing his finger in her face. "Start talking."

"Alright. Alright," Darcy relented, switching off the safety, "but I've got to warn you, it's a real shocker."

"Out with it," he insisted, grasping her chin and squeezing her face.

"You asked for it," she grinned, shoving him backwards as she fired her taser. The bathroom echoed with the satisfying crackle of electricity and the solid thud of his body hitting the floor. Darcy approached him carefully, prodding him with the toe of her skate and when he didn't respond, she kicked him for good measure.

Bucky grabbed the silver briefcase and hustled the handcuffed man out an emergency exit. Thankfully, his charge knew the drill and wisely remained silent as Bucky marched him down an alley, around a corner and directly towards the van. Bucky's blood ran cold as they drew closer and he spotted the empty front passenger seat. He silently loaded his prisoner into the space behind the driver's seat and broke the lock on the metal briefcase with his bionic hand, confirming that it contained the stolen targeting chips that he'd always suspected he'd find inside. 

"I'll be back," Bucky growled, securing a black fabric hood over the man's head. "Try anything funny and you'll wish you hadn't. Understood?"

His prisoner nodded affirmatively as Bucky stowed the briefcase beneath the front passenger seat and slammed the door to the van closed, murder strutting towards the entrance of the theatre with a scowl.

Darcy raised her weapon, preparing to pull the trigger again as the door to the washroom flew open.

"Hold your fire," Bucky exclaimed, staring at the business end of her taser. She slowly lowered her weapon, watching as his eyes moved to the body on the floor. 

"And here I was worried about you," he chuckled, cuffing the man on the floor and placing him in the recovery position. Darcy silently looked on as her body buzzed with adrenaline and she wasn't sure whether she'd ever been more turned on in her entire life. 

Bucky rose to his feet and stalked towards her. His lips were moving beneath his luscious moustache but she couldn't hear a word he said over the sound of her pulse in her ears. She gazed at his pretty face as he carefully removed the taser from her trembling hand and returned it to her purse. His eyes met hers as his lips began to move again and she dropped her purse, reaching for his belt. He understood exactly what she needed and he was only too happy to oblige. 

His lips met hers and his whiskers brushed against her skin as he kissed her deeply and she fumbled with the buckle on his belt. He reached down, grasping her wrist in his metal hand and directed it to his shoulder. She followed his lead, wrapping her arms behind his neck as he worked his pants loose and directed her into one of the empty bathroom stalls. He slid his pants down and his hands glided over the back of her thighs and up under the hem of her dress. She sucked his tongue as his hands drifted higher, squeezing the cheeks of her ass, moving up over the sides of her back and pawing at her breasts.

"Fuck me," she gasped against his lips desperately. "Please, Bucky. I need it."

His hands wrapped around the outside edge of her thighs as he lifted her up against him and and pinned her to the wall of the stall. She slipped her hand between them, pulling the bottom edge of her dress up out of the way and wrapped her fingers around his beaver cleaver. He moaned into her mouth as she gave him a smooth stroke and directed the blunt end to the place she was craving him the most. She tried to pull him closer by wrapping her legs around him but the skates were way too heavy and he broke away with a laugh as she let out a frustrated groan. 

"Shh... I've got you," he breathed as the edge of his moustache tickled her lips. His hands tightened around her legs as he took in a breath and thrust himself into her, driving out a raspy cry of his name. She writhed against the metal partition behind her as he gave her everything she was craving so badly, filling her delightfully with each solid stroke.

He smothered her moans with the press of his lips and her arms wound tighter, pulling him closer as the feeling of her smouldering heat surrounded him. Her skates rattled as her heels hit the partition with each forceful thrust of his hips and the corners of his mouth curled up into a wicked grin as he thrilled at the terrible clatter. 

Darcy winced as the weight of the skates made her ankles ache and the laces she'd tied too tightly had her right foot falling asleep. Her fingers wrapped around Bucky's metal wrist and he drew back looking at her curiously as she gave it a solid squeeze.

"My foot's asleep," she confessed as he continued to rock himself into her.

"This one?" he asked, giving her right leg a jiggle. She nodded and he slowly lowered it until her wheels hit the tiles. 

He grasped the top edge of the partition with his bionic hand, steadying himself and rolled his hips against her. The adjusted angle was fucking phenomenal and she gasped out curses against his 'stache as the metal compressed beneath his fist with a satisfying crunch. It was so unbelievably hot that she momentarily forgot how to breathe. 

He froze like a deer in the headlights as his eyes slowly moved to the top edge of the stall and his brows furrowed adorably as he assessed the damage. She grabbed the lapel of his jacket and pulled him towards her, pressing her lips to his and his eyes fluttered shut as she kissed him so slowly and deeply that time seemed to stand still. His solid body ground her into the metal panel behind her as he matched the speed and intensity of her kiss with perfect precision, coaxing her closer to completion with each smooth roll of his hips. 

A weak groan came from the direction of the man crumpled on the floor outside the stall and Darcy kissed Bucky harder as a surge of white hot excitement coursed through her veins. The metal creaked beneath his hand as he felt her slick muscles grip him tighter and the wheels at the back of her left skate scraped the wall behind her as the deepest parts of her throbbed demanding release.

"C'mon," he drawled between kisses. "I think he's wakin' up. You gotta come for me, sweetheart." 

"Oh, Bucky! Don't stop," she begged, turning her face away from his and gazing up at his metal hand as she tried to catch her breath. He lined her jaw with kisses, a cunning combination of sensuous presses of his lips and sharp nips of his teeth. She writhed against the wall, calling out for him as every inch of her body tingled deliciously.

"I'm right here," he whispered, warming her skin with his breath. "I missed this so much, doll. You're a goddamned dream come true." 

Another low groan came from the floor outside the stall, reminding Darcy of the rush she'd felt the moment she'd fired her taser and heard the sound of his body hitting the floor. Bucky's moustache brushed against her ear as he whispered hot demands for her to come, just the way she'd imagined as she'd gotten herself off in the coffee shop washroom while he'd waited in the van. She took in a sharp breath, dangling by a thread as the plates in his wrist began to slowly shift, tearing her apart at the seams one sinful stitch at a time until she finally gave him everything he'd been asking for and burst into pieces. 

Her eyes snapped shut as every muscle in her body contracted forcing out everything but Bucky. For a single perfect moment there was only him - the taste of him on her lips, the earthy smell of his sweat, the warmth of his body pressed against hers, the sound of his breathing in her ear and the delicious stretch of his purple pounding pleasure piston inside of her. 

Bucky called out her name as her muscles contracted around him, pulling him over the edge right along with her. Their bodies moved together in beautiful synchronicity as the weeks that had kept them apart melted away and they were finally blissfully reunited, losing themselves in each other within the sanctuary of the porno theatre bathroom stall. 

His moustache grazed her skin as he held her up against the partition, spilling over inside of her with sharp snaps of his hips. Every inch of her rushed with exquisite release as she came in a flurry of soft curses and spinning wheels, wringing him out with each solid pulse of her quivering slickness around him until she taken everything he had to give.

"Mmm... That was unbelievable," he murmured, pressing kisses against her skin as he slowly made his way to her lips. "You're keeping the skates, right?"

She chuckled quietly, her head buzzing as his lips found hers. He kissed her like they had all the time in the world as he slowly withdrew from her and helped her back to her feet. She steadied herself with a hand against the wall and reached for the toilet paper dispenser.

"Guess you'll be happy now that this assignment's over," Bucky drawled, zipping his pants up with a crooked grin, "I can finally shave this godawful shit off my face."

Darcy finished tidying up and tossed the crumpled wad of tissue in the toilet with a frown.

"I figured you'd be more excited," he sighed as she stared into the water, watching it disappear as the toilet flushed with a hiss. "Don't tell me that you actually like it..." 

She looked at him with a smile and firmly pressed her lips together, reaching past him for the lock on the door to the stall. His arms wrapped around her, hauling her back against his solid body as he nuzzled her neck with a growl.

"So, you're the reason Clint had me grow this fucking atrocity," he purred against her skin, making her squirm. "Just wait 'til we get back to your place, sweetheart. You're gonna get your fill before it's gone. I'm gonna make you ride it 'til the wheels fall off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it. If you did, I'd love to hear what you thought! xo


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the thrilling conclusion. Hope you like it! xo

And just like that it was all wrapped up in a neat little package. The men Bucky'd apprehended were handed over along with the stolen targeting chips after they'd dropped off the donation of used sporting equipment at the Boys and Girls Club and stopped for ice cream of course. 

The ice cream had been Bucky's idea and even though she was sure he'd mostly just suggested it to mess with her, she wasn't about to say no. She'd stared at him dreamily as he'd lit into his soft serve, smirking at her with his whiskers caked in creamy deliciousness. Before long, she'd made her way into his lap and they'd both ended up sticky and giggling with ice cream everywhere while their captives groaned from the backseat.

Once they'd arrived back at the tower, Darcy'd returned to her apartment for a shower while Bucky turned in the keys to the surveillance van. She slipped into one of his old t-shirts and curled up on the sofa, waiting for him to come home and make good on his promise. _I'm gonna make you ride it 'til the wheels fall off..._ Just as she was wondering whether she should put her skates back on, her mobile lit up with a text message from Clint Barton.  
**YOU'RE WELCOME.**

Bucky suddenly rolled through the door towards her as the opening bars of Tequila by The Champs played on his phone. Darcy raised her hand and began recording as he skated towards her, dressed in a theatrical-quality Zorro costume. He dropped his phone on the coffee table, gazing down at her heatedly and began to strip for her. 

The hat came off first and he left the mask on as he moved to the buttons on his shirt. He rolled closer as he loosened each sleeve and bent forward, inviting her to unfasten the buttons trailing down the front. Her hands moved quickly as she gazed into his sparkling blue eyes and she couldn't deny that the mask was a very hot look. 

He slipped off his shirt and tossed it aside, revealing what appeared to be a lime green set of suspenders and rolled backwards as his hands moved to the cuffs of his tear-away tuxedo pants. The edge of his cape suddenly caught in the wheel of his skate and and he went tumbling to the floor in a flurry of profanity as his pants tore away in his hands. 

"Oh, shit!! Are you alright?!" Darcy gasped, pausing her recording and standing up out of her seat. Bucky groaned and reached for his phone, turning off the music and Darcy's eyes widened as she took in the bright green mankini he had on underneath his clothes. His hands quickly loosened the laces on his skates as he cursed Clint under his breath and pulled his cape free from the wheel. He caught her staring as he rose to his feet, dressed in nothing but Zorro's mask and cape and Borat's banana hammock.

"What even?" she gasped incredulously.

"I'm Zorro," Bucky explained, placing his hands on his hips and drawing the shape of a 'Z' with his mighty mansword. "Clint said you'd love it."

"Is very nice," she replied with a grin, "but what's up with the Speedo?"

"Clint said- Oh, my God! That rotten bastard. I'm gonna fucking kill him," Bucky growled, peeling off his lime green thong in a fury. It was the hottest goddamned thing that Darcy had ever seen. 

She slipped her shirt off over her head and he froze, watching in stunned silence as she walked towards him. The moment she was within reach, he lifted her up against him and her arms wound around his neck as they kissed each other senseless. His cape gently fluttered behind him as he strutted towards the bedroom and he couldn't help feeling just the tiniest bit heroic. 

He set her down on the mattress, covering her body with his own as her soft lips remained pressed to his, kissing him insatiably. His hands slowly mapped out her soft curves as he took his time to reacquaint himself with her sinful topography and she melted into his touch, sucking his tongue with a delicious hum that set every inch of him afire. 

There was so much that he wanted to tell her but with his mouth otherwise occupied he had to to settle for showing her instead. She read him loud and clear, gently outlining the crimson star on his shoulder with her index finger as he rolled his hips against her, eager to get closer. 

The weight of his solid body on top of her made her stomach fluttery. It was among the things she'd missed the most while he'd been away and now that she had him back she couldn't seem to get enough. She wrapped her legs around him, eliciting a warm rumble from deep inside his chest that rattled her right down to her bones and he rocked his hips against her, sliding his pulsating python of love against her sodden lips. 

They broke apart, gasping out curses in response to the delightful friction as his scarlet skin flute glided through her slick excitement.

"Oh, mysterious moustache man," she called out, squeezing his biceps. "Your cocksmanship is legendary. Take me now and leave your mark on me." Bucky drew back, looking at her like he could hardly believe his ears and she craned her neck up off the mattress and softly kissed his lips. 

"Call me Bucky," he responded, slipping a hand between them and lining himself up against her. "I fucking love the way it sounds when you say my name, sweetheart."

"I just met you," she teased. "How would you know what that sounds like, mysterious moustache man?"

"C'mon. Quit playing," he responded, driving himself into her with a solid thrust of his hips.

"Oh, mysterious moustache man," she gasped, fully committed to her bit. "Don't stop! It feels so good."

"It's Bucky," he replied, tearing off his mask and tossing it to the floor as he continued to drive himself into her. "C'mon, say it for me."

"Oh, my God! You're even prettier with the mask off," she marvelled, looking up at him with a wry smile. 

"You just can't resist asking for trouble, can you?" he sighed, shaking his head. "I must be outta my mind."

"You love it, mysterious moustache man," she retorted, letting him knock each word loose with sharp snaps of his hips.

"Not really," he replied thoughtfully, "but I'm definitely in love with you..."

"Oh, Bucky. Really?" she asked, gazing up at him in disbelief.

"There it is," he smirked, breathing out slowly.

"That's not funny," she grumbled.

"Sure it is," he replied with a flick of his brow. "It's funny because it's true." 

Before she could say another word, he descended on her, slowing his movements and kissing her so hard she saw stars. She momentarily wondered whether he'd just admitted that he loved her but another minute or two of kissing him erased any possible doubt that it was true. 

_He loved her._

She could taste it on his lips and feel it in the way he touched her. Every time he exhaled, she could hear it in the contented rasp at the edge of his breath. He told her over and over again with each reverent roll of his hips as he made sweet, passionate love to her. 

She felt so happy that she expected to burst and her only regret was that there wasn't some way for her to stay with him in the moment forever, pinned to the mattress beneath his rock hard body as he pleasured her insatiably. Her heart raced as each thrust had everything meeting up just right and his tongue swept over hers, making her tingly all over. She moaned into his mouth as her nails scraped over the plates in his arm and his eyes rolled back in his head as the combined sensation nearly finished him off on the spot. 

He ground his hips against her, fighting to hold on just a little longer and every part of her gripped him tighter, begging him to keep going. 

"Oh, Bucky! Don't stop," she gasped, grazing her lips over his moustache. "It's so good."

"Again," he growled insistently. "Say it again."

"'Don't stop'?" she asked, tugging on his hair with a wicked grin. "Or 'it's so good'?"

"God, I love it when you bust my balls," he sighed, kissing her softly. "Sure hope you're close 'cause you got me on the ropes here, doll." 

She replied with a breathy cry of his name that drove him wild and he kissed her again, gathering her wrists and pinning them above her head beneath his bionic arm. His metal fingers gently laced between hers as he coaxed her to come apart with long firm strokes that wound her so tightly, she could hardly breathe.

"I missed this so much," she ground out desperately. "I missed you so much... Bucky, I love you."

"You mean it?" he asked, gazing down at her with a lopsided grin. She slowly nodded and he descended on her, kissing every inch of her he could reach as he softly repeated, "I love you more."

"It isn't a contest," she chuckled as his whiskers tickled her skin. Her muscles flexed ever so slightly as she laughed, suddenly setting off an explosive chain reaction.

Her eyes snapped shut as the day's events caught up with her all at once and she came, writhing beneath Bucky in a white hot rush of nonsensical profanity and pulsing ecstasy. He got in two more strokes before he let loose, burying himself inside her quivering heat as she clutched him in delightfully sharp bursts. They laughed and cursed and kissed each other breathless as they lost themselves in each other and their bodies wound together like poetry in motion. It was primal and messy and beautiful.

He held her hand in his, refusing to let go even after her palm got sweaty and she gazed up into his pretty face from beneath him even after the weight of his body made it hard for her to catch her breath. Eventually, he rolled onto his side and gathered her up in his arms, somehow managing to keep her hand clasped in his as he snuggled up against her and nuzzled the sensitive spot behind her ear.

"You're so fucking incredible," he breathed, pulling her closer. "How the hell did I ever get so goddamned lucky, sweetheart?"

"From what I've heard, you were way overdue," she replied softly, "and I've always been a sucker for a nice ass and a pretty face."

"Fucking incredible," he repeated, pressing a kiss against her skin. "I still can't believe you think I'm pretty with this shit on my face."

"If you've had enough, shave it off," she replied coolly. "I've made my peace with the fact that it's a limited-time offer."

"Time's not up yet," he chuckled darkly. "Better rest up, doll. Tomorrow's going to be one helluva day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, I'd love to hear about it! xo


End file.
